Personal Writings: 2001-01-23
I did a little meditation earlier this evening before going out with a friend. When I am clearing my thoughts I often envision a flat, deserted plain, almost like a dried seabed, and a night sky of only stars. I imagined also a dead tree with an Eagle, and a rock with a Lizard, and the Eagle wanted to eat the Lizard, but I stood in its way. And in my mind the Eagle and the Lizard somehow helped me to construct a great pyramid, out of only rocks which the Eagle spied. The Lizard I kept in my pocket.It came to me to ask myself, “What makes a pyramid grow higher?” The answer was, “A wider base.” And I decided that the pyramid might represent the human race, or something the human race gave rise to, maybe thought or science. And I imagined other things, but they were mostly fanciful and I don’t feel they offered any insight.
Thinking makes me tired. Typing makes me tired. Amazing that I can play computer games for hours and hours, mechanically, without noticing a decrease in energy, but to think and write down my thoughts is exhausting, or anyway it leaves me feeling empty. My thoughts have very little momentum compared to times past.
Here’s what I think: the world is big and full of people and ideas. Some say that the world is in danger from human foolishness. Some say that things change and that is simply the nature of the universe. I feel a conviction that humanity could accomplish wonderful things, and probably needn’t consume the whole Earth before it succeeds, but that this may yet come to pass. Will millions more lives be lived in vain, or ended by violence, starvation, or disease? Will suffering and despair dog our steps wherever in the universe we manage to travel? Or will it in fact tether us to this one world until we snuff ourselves out and maybe the rest of the biosphere too? Or will we escape somehow, and carry the seed of life to other planets and other stars, even other galaxies? Will my actions have any bearing on the future? More to the point, will I attempt to have some influence in this respect? And with what intent?
What is humanity to me? If I could choose to send people to the stars, whom would I send, and what would they carry with them? What beliefs and ideals would guide their journeys? If I myself could travel to a new world, what would I carry with me? When human beings touch new soil on a planet circling a different sun, what will they seek to build in that place? Houses and factories certainly, but also will they build fences and military bases and open-face mines and golf courses? Will they poison the rivers and seas and pollute the air? If they do, is it worth it?
We should not stay exactly the same, yet if we change too much we will no longer be human.